Anger is a tricky emotion. It can be hidden from our conscious mind, even when it’s destroying the lives of others. Over the years I have discovered some of the many ways in which I could deceive myself that ‘I wasn’t really angry’ or, ‘she was the angry one, not me’ To rid ourselves of this toxin we have to be willing to sacrifice our (false) ego time and again, growing in humility all the while.

I’ll share with you some of the self deceptions and indicators of hidden anger that I have observed in myself and in others.

Shouting angrily, striking others or getting caught up in heated arguments are obvious signs of anger being present. The next task is that of owning the anger, rather than blaming others or the situation for its presence.

The sudden onset of coldness towards a friend or loved one can point to hidden anger or resentment. At such times, what seems to our mind to be rational and well-meaning behaviour can have a devastating effect upon the other person.

If a restraining order is taken out against someone there is usually anger or violence present as the cause, yet often still denied (‘She provokes me. She makes me hit her.’)

When correcting our children, are feelings of love and wrath still present? Or are we severe, cold or threatening? These surely indicate the presence of anger.

If we catch ourselves abruptly terminating a phone conversation with someone or slamming down the receiver , we can be sure that anger is there, even if initially denied.

If our behaviour brings tears to the eyes of another, or results in them becoming distant, stiff or unfriendly, it can be valuable to replay the scene in our mind, looking to see if our words or deeds had a ‘knife’ hidden in them.

If someone says to us, ‘Don’t get angry’, or “You seem to be angry (or agitated, upset, put out, etc)”, and we hear ourselves deny it, we can reflect on it later and wonder why we were given the message.

If we experience terrifying intrusive thoughts or images of harming others, this does not mean that we will actually carry out such horrendous deeds. It is simply the wise sub-conscious mind attracting our attention in a very commanding way to motivate us to search for the hidden anger.

The presence of day-dreaming or fantasies which involve hurting others, even when good triumphs over evil, can indicate an urge to express hidden anger.

Impatience with the behaviour of others is often the tip-of-the-iceberg sign of hidden anger and resentment.

When there is an unwillingness to forgive or to see the good in another, it is possible that hidden anger is the motivating force.

If our child is a bully at school, bites others, snatches toys, or is easily angered, we might wonder if he/she has learned it from us.

Obsessive or prolonged ruminations as to why the other person is bad, selfish or unfair is often a sign of hidden anger.

Creating, listening to or repeating malicious gossip is angry behaviour disguised as the passing on of important information.

Dreams portraying arguments, violence, irritability or righteous wrath can prompt us to identify the anger in us now moving towards conscious awareness.

There are many other indicators of possible hidden anger.
We’ll give just a few of them but with only a word or two of description:

Grinding your teeth while asleep
Addiction to watching films or playing computer games with violence as the main theme
Tension or weakness in the dominant arm
Bed-wetting in children (angry parents?)
Impatience, intolerance, judging, arguing, lacking humility.
Some forms of depression

These are just ideas for exploration.
Every source of hidden anger that is brought to the surface and resolved leads us ever closer
to inner contentment and harmonious relationships.